


Help These Painfully Oblivious Souls (Because God knows that they need it more than anyone else.)

by 3x3



Series: Help These Painfully Oblivious Souls [7]
Category: Dear Evan Hansen - Pasek & Paul/Levenson
Genre: Gen, M/M, dang it if i ain't proud of myself for this series, i don't necessarily agree with their actions but plot is important, i sure am glad that i finally got all of the plot out, it's been a looooong and tiring ride, jared doesn't go (too) overboard for once, maaaaaaaybe future accompanying fics? we'll see, the pov jumps around so beware of confusion
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-03-03
Updated: 2018-03-03
Packaged: 2019-03-26 11:28:54
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,655
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13856874
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/3x3/pseuds/3x3
Summary: Sometimes all it takes is an intentionally spread (and well-planned) rumor to get two idiots to talk to each other.





	Help These Painfully Oblivious Souls (Because God knows that they need it more than anyone else.)

**Author's Note:**

> find me on my musical blog @whatbreadshouldiget  
> so i actually got this idea while talking to my mom  
> this has been quite a journey!! HUge thank you to those who stuck with me since the beginning (if you're still here for this last story)  
> Enjoy?

Evan doesn’t like it when his mother frets over him, because it’s always over something that doesn’t necessarily require attention, and he feels guilty keeping her when she should be resting.

But he’ll admit that this time it’s not completely _un_ necessary.

He twiddles with his thumb nervously, one of the myriad of tiny ticks he can’t get under control when he feels uneasy in his skin.

“Evan, you have to go back to school sooner or later.” his mother sighs, not unkindly. She sits down gently beside him on his bed, wrapping her arms around him gingerly, careful not to put pressure on his injured arm. “Lots of kids have broken their arms.”

And she is right. Every first day after a break, there’s ought to be casts around the school because kids are dumb, and do dumb things like jump off roofs or deliberately skateboard on slippery wet pavements. But Evan is not like that. Evan isn’t the daredevil type who people _expects_ to carry injuries. While casts on _those_ people are some kind of badge of honor and somehow _boosts_ popularity, on Evan it just makes him look like a bigger loser.

Excuse him for not being the most eager to get back to a school full of judging, prying eyes.

“Yeah- I know.” Evan mumbles, looking down at the shoes sitting obediently beside his bed like they are the most interesting things in the universe. They are not. They are gray and bland and boring. White laces lie limply on top, dirty and knotted. “I just- I don’t like people staring.”

People think they’re subtle. They are not subtle. Or Evan is too damn perspective. Is there that much of a difference, in the end?

“Evan.” she rocks him softly like one would rock a baby’s cradle. “Can we at least try a little before we give up? Isn’t there anything you can look forward to going back to school? You can hang out with Jared. You can talk to Connor. You can ask people to sign your cast!”

She sounds so enthusiastic for Evan, and Evan feels bad for feeling nothing. Jared already comes over (has been coming over every day after school since the incident. Evan thinks Jared just wants to keep an extra eye on him), Connor is a dead end, and there’s no one who would sign his cast anyway, being the weird loner he is.

He finally steals a look at his mother, face tired and worn and he hates the wrinkles he adds when he makes her worry about him and his trivial issues. She has always been so supportive, so understanding. Evan doesn’t deserve that. He doesn’t think he does.

But Evan is also very selfish, because he whispers. “I’ll go back to school, mom.. But can I just have a little more time?”

“Of course, sweetheart.” Evan hears her hum, and feels her chin digging on top of his head.

He wants to disappear, to disappear, to disappear.

* * *

 

Yes, Jared is aware of what he said to Evan.

Yes, Jared knows that he told Evan it’s okay to be mad, and _stay_ mad at people.

But his OTP hasn’t done so much as talk to each other for the past three days, and Jared is dying.

Okay that’s a bit of an exaggeration. His followers are dying, but Jared himself is alright, mostly.

He would usually be fine with it, really. Because no one gets to break his best friend’s heart and walk away like that. In fact, he would be _delighted_ to kick Connor Murphy in the nuts personally if Evan gives the word, but of course the boy wouldn’t ever have the heart to do anything in that manner.

If only said best friend could stop moping like an abandoned puppy, then Jared would have no problem putting the whole fiasco behind him.

“Evan, buddy.” he nudges the boy sitting with his legs hugged to his chest at the end of the couch with the back of his left foot. “You still there?”

“What? Huh?” he snaps upright, like he’s been previously trapped in some sort of a trance. “Did you ask something?”

“Nevermind.” he dismisses Evan, who’s clearly been blanking out. “What do you feel like having for dinner tonight?”

“Pizza- Uh, is pizza okay?”

“It’s _your_ money.” Jared rolls his eyes. “Do you want me to get the pizza.”

“Yes please.” Evan says quietly.

Jared stifles a sigh. It’s all so melodramatic. How did he ever find himself in this position?

He kind of really really wants to shake his friend by the shoulder and scream at him to _go talk to Connor_ , but he _can’t_ , because he specifically said that it’s fine _not to_ talk to Connor.

Jared never regrets his own words. Ever. He never thought he’d live to see the day that proved that false.

The thing is- he’s worried about Evan, and he knows how much Evan hates other people worrying for him. (It makes him feel small and useless, as he once reluctantly admitted to Jared.)

He can’t help it though. Evan has been his best friend since childhood, even though they just recently established that position. It’s in Jared’s nature to worry. And boy Jared has a _lot_ to worry about. It’s not his fault that everyone else in the world is totally clueless. But at the moment, his primary concern regards Evan’s self-claimed accident.

They both know something is off. Evan says that his mind is fuzzy when he tries to recall the events of that fateful night, but Jared isn’t sure he buys it.

There is simply no way Evan just casually decides to climb a tree about crying his heart out- especially also accounting the unsettling texts he sent to Jared. (Specifically, **I think I might be dying**.)

For anyone else, it might just be feigned drama, but Evan doesn’t do that. If it had been _Jared_ who sent that text- probably no need getting even the slightest bit disturbed, but Evan doesn’t do intended dramaticness. Evan just wants to lay low and stay hidden, and most importantly- not raise alarm.

Well Jared knows that _everybody_ craves attention once in a while. Even spies or assassins seek praise from their bosses or their customers. Evan already does it much less that other people, so it’s impossible not to feel at least a little bit alarmed when he’s actually calling out to Jared.

Jared understands that it’s incredibly impolite to assume things about other people, but he has reason to suspect that there’s more to Evan’s “accident” than what meets the eye.

He doesn’t want to say failed suicide.

He thinks it’s a failed suicide.

It’s part of the reason why he is literally always over now, to make sure Evan is still there, to constantly reassure himself that Evan is okay.

He wants to say that Evan is stable now, he really does. He want to be able to look at his best friend and tell himself in confidence that his best friend is alright and healthy and safe, but he can’t and it’s the most awful feeling.

Jared shouldn’t have to keep his concerns to himself, but he doesn’t know who to confide in on the matter. After all, it’s _Evan’s_ business, and he might not appreciate being talked about behind his back.

_You can handle this, Kleinman_. He gives himself a silent pep talk.  “Do _you_ think I can do it?” he asks the delivery guy half-heartedly as the guy counts the change. The guy shoots him a strange look. “Sure, sir.”

Jared nods to himself. “Thanks dude.” he closes the door.

A hesitant “Good luck?” comes from the other side.

Jared is the type of person who trusts mostly on his instincts, and this time, his gut tells him that Connor’s going to play a part, much to his own distaste.

_For Evan._ he tells himself. _For Evan._

Jared is going to get to the bottom of the issue, whether Evan likes it or not, but obviously not before testing Connor Murphy’s intentions and priorities first.

He’s going to have to get backup on this.

* * *

 

He approaches Alana Beck first, because she is a critical part for his plan to work. He doesn’t say much to her, only beckons her to follow him in that intentionally unclear, but probably uncalled for manner.

It doesn’t take much to get Alana Beck interested, because she likes knowing things. She is a little easy to manipulate like that, not that Jared is complaining. He’s got her intrigued just like that, by saying that he needs her help with an issue concerning Evan Hansen- the kid who’s been absent for nearly a week.

She frowns a little, and Jared thinks she is skeptical and a little annoyed, but she will at least hear him out before she decides anything.

Jared goes to Zoe Murphy second, because she is Connor’s sister, and she is a fellow treebros shipper, therefore siding them on the same page. Well, maybe she leans a little bit towards her brother’s side, but in the big picture, there’s little difference.

If he wants to convince Alana to help, Zoe might be a great ally.

“So we have a plan.” Jared says to Zoe before anyone could get a word in.

“A plan for what?” Zoe asks immediately.

“To get emo-kid and tree-boy to start talking to each other again.” he says obviously. Like she even needs to ask. What else would Jared be planning about? Well, knowing Jared, a variety of very different things, but that’s beyond the point.

He continues on. “So I don’t exactly have a clear idea at how bad Connor is at your house but the last time I saw him- I think I caught his attention. And that is _good_ , because a huge part of it is lying on Connor, you know?” he notices that Zoe doesn’t seem to be paying him attention, so he snaps his fingers to catch it back. “Hey. Are you listening?”

She jerks back, almost stammering. “Sure.”

Jared doubts it, but he hasn’t reached his main point yet, so he doesn’t bother going back to repeat what he said. All Zoe needs to know is that the PlanTM involves her brother and Evan. He _does_ need to check in with one things before everything else though. “Are you in?”

Zoe thinks about it. Jared lets her take her time. Eventually she gives in, meeting his eyes and asking, “What do I do to help?”

The plan’s first part is a go.

“First I gotta fill you two in on the situation.” he says, and Alana, finally remembering her own presence, cuts in. “Wait.” she says curtly. “When did I ever say that I’d help?”

Jared raises his eyebrows at her. He knows how to deal with her type quite well. Jared is a people person, and that’s that. “Aren’t you helping?” he retorts.

She looks caught-off-guard. “Huh?”

“Your fellow classmates are in trouble, and you’re not even willing to do _anything_ to help when it’s perfectly within your reach?”

“What _kind_ of trouble? I’m not making a decision until you tell me what’s going on.” she says stubbornly.

“Okay.” Jared thinks that it’s fair. “Here’s the thing. Evan and Connor are _not_ talking. And that’s _not_ okay because Evan is sulking all around his house. Do you _know_ how irritating it is to hear his heartache sigh every five minutes?”

“You want me to help you matchmake?” she asks with a deadpan. “ _That’s_ what you need me to help with?”

“Sort of. But not really?” Jared selects his words carefully. “Zoe, you want your brother to stop being a dumb angsty shit, don’t you?”

“Please.” At least Zoe is cooperative, although she still looks very much confused. “He doesn’t even _talk_ anymore. He doesn’t have that many people to talk to in the first place, so…”

Alana furrows her brows. “Why would you need _me_ for, then?”

Jared clicks his tongue idly. “You underestimate your influence, my dear.”

Zoe nods her head gravely in agreement. “I’m not sure what Jared is on about here, but if we’re speaking about your influence, you know everything about _everyone_. You’re the school’s greatest gossip without meaning to be.”

“I’m not the school’s greatest gossip.” Alana scoffs, face skeptical. “I don’t know _everything_.”

“Still, people trust your sources, and you know perfectly how to drop topics into conversations casually. You don’t need to do much, just off-handedly let it slip that Evan may or may not have broken a backbone.”

“ _Evan broke a backbone_?” Zoe’s eyes bulges out in horror.

“Well, not exactly. He _did_ break an arm.”

“Really?” Alana is quick to cut in. “My grandma broke her hip getting into the bathtub in July. That was the beginning of the end, the doctor said. Because then, she died.” then she frowns, like she’s just realizing what she just blurted. “Wait- you want me to help you spread a false rumor?”

“I mean would you _listen to yourself?_ ” Jared cries, incredulously waving his arms in the air like he wants to gesture to something but his motions are too abrupt and vague to make sense of. “This is _exactly_ what I was talking about, Alana! You’re just very… well, genuine. People will _believe you_ when you say things, which is honestly more than what can be said for me.” he snickers.

Everybody knows better than to just trust Jared’s words. He is so full of bullshit and everyone knows it, including the teachers, but somehow he still got that strange charisma that lets him get away with things. Humans are really weird.

She still looks doubtful, and a bit uncomfortable. “You’re asking me to lie. I don’t know how to lie.”

“Don’t think of it as _lying_.” Jared wrinkles his nose. “Think of it as… another way of phrasing the same idea. It _is_ true that he got hurt, after all. You know if it makes you feel better you can just _pretend_ that he’s dying.”

“In a way, he is.” Zoe inserts helpfully. “Of broken-heartedness. And we don’t want that, do we?”

“No…?” Alana replies dubiously. “Why didn’t you just tell me that Evan broke a backbone and you needed me to pass out the message as a reminder to be careful? It would be believable and convincing, and I wouldn’t hesitate to help out because it’s a very important message?”

“You see, you’ve even got a reason figured out already. I told you she’d be great.” he spares a glance at Zoe. “Didn’t I tell you that she’d be great?”

“You didn’t.” Zoe says.

Jared ignores her and directs his attention back to Alana. “Well, I thought that if we were gonna ask for your help, we should at least be honest about it. You know? To show trust and all that. You should know what you’re doing.”

She blinks, like she is surprised by that.

Jared knows for a fact that all kinds of people turn to Alana for help, because despite what she says about herself, she has a voice that people would listen to. And if Alana is helping with something, it usually goes smooth and successful, since the resourceful girl always somehow manage to know what everything needs, even though she is known to take things too close to extreme for comfort from time to time.

Maybe the people who asks for help don’t always fill her in on everything, and don’t even bother shielding that very well.

Alana helps people, because she is kind-hearted like that.

Jared can’t force her to do anything, but he is hopeful.

She purses her lips. “Fine. I’ll help. But only because I’m concerned about Evan. Is he really alright? He shouldn’t be missing out so much. Would you mind bringing him some of his work for him?”

Ahhh, good ol’ Alana. Always zealous.

Well, all that’s left is to set things into motion.

“So, Zoe, ready to spy on your brother for us?”

* * *

 

_I know I said that C’s cancelled and I know that a bunch of you guys are asking for me to give more details, well, I think you’d like to know that a plan to get C back in the game is in the works._

_Will update soon._

* * *

 

Connor doesn’t usually pay attention to the fleeting rumors around school because they are usually bullshit and have nothing to do with anything that would even mildly concern Connor, so he mostly lets them slip pass his mind. However, the name Evan Hansen catches his attention, and he stops in his tracks, listening.

At first it’s just little things, like- _Evan Hansen has been absent for days now. Alana Beck says that something happened to him._

It’s unusual, because as insulting as it might sound like, there are never rumors of people like Evan Hansen. He simply doesn’t stand out enough for people to notice, but somehow he’s a part of the school’s gossip system now. _Did you hear? Evan Hansen fell out of a tree._

Is that it? What Kleinman doesn’t tell Connor last time?

_Did you hear? Evan Hansen fractured his spine._

Is he trying to hide the severity of Evan’s conditions from Connor?

_Did you hear? Evan Hansen is on his bedridden, and he might not make it._

He isn’t one to take rumors seriously, especially when they are clearly far-fetched, but he just can’t forget Kleinman’s look of pure rage and fury when he confronted Connor two days ago. He can’t forget how Kleinman’s voice catches when he mentions Evan’s name. He can’t forget how Kleinman absolutely refuses to tell him anything at all. He can’t forget Evan’s haunted expression when he bolted away from Connor that night. He can’t forget the sudden stop of his heartbeat later that night, when he gets home. It’s only for a second, so brief he almost thought he imagined it, but there’s something so horribly wrong it’s just not possible to pass off as a spoiled dinner.

He slams his locker’s door close abruptly.

* * *

 

“He’s distraught. Definitely.”Zoe reports.

“Good. That means the plan is working.”

“I’m still unsure.” Alana announces. “But that’s reassuring to hear?”

“Anyway.” Zoe says again. “You should be expecting him to demand answers from you soon, if I can really read him as much as I think. To be honest, I don’t have that much confidence.”

“That’s okay.” Jared tells her. “This is part of the test too. If he doesn’t care enough to come ask me, then it might really be better to just keep them apart, because it clearly doesn’t bother him as it should, and that would be a pity.”

“You’re testing my brother’s feelings for Evan?” Zoe asks quizzically. “I thought the love-stricken face he puts on whenever he looks in Evan’s general direction was a dead giveaway.”

Jared shrugs. “Better safe than sorry.”

* * *

 

Connor locates the culprit of all his nausea pretty easily. Jared Kleinman is easy to spot, with his questionable choice of clothing.

He cuts off his way by blocking in front of Kleinman. “What the fuck aren’t you telling me?”

Jared doesn’t look very fazed. He shoots Connor a dirty look. “What makes you think that there’s even a speck of possibility for me to tell you _anything_.”

Connor doesn’t haggle with that response and gets to his point. “What’s with all that sudden talk about Evan? How he’s- he’s fallen off a fucking tree? How he’s broken his fucking spine? How he’s fucking _dying_ now, is he? He’s not _dying_. He can’t be _dying_.”

“How would you know if he were dying or not?”

Connor scoffs. “I think he would tell me if he _were_ dying.” he says easily. Evan wouldn’t keep that big of a thing from him, would he? Evan wouldn’t do that to him. Evan doesn’t _hide_ things from Connor, does he?

But Evan hasn’t told Connor _anything_. And it’s been days.

“Have you thought of that he might, _I don’t know_ , be hiding from you?” Kleinman starts to leave. “Not that it matters anymore. I’m not telling you anything, you can go on guessing. I don’t give a shit.”

Connor bolts and puts himself back in the teen’s way. He’s not getting away so easily, not until he explains himself. Not until Connor is sure that Evan’s okay, and Evan’s _okay_ , right? Evan’s always okay. _Connor’s_ the one who’s _not_ okay. “Don’t fuck with me, Kleinman.” his messenger back swings violently at his side, slamming into his hip. He growls through gritted teeth.

“I don’t want anything to do with you, frankly.” Kleinman growls back. “You don’t think I want Evan to be okay? You don’t think I want to be able to tell you, and believe it myself, that Evan is fine, and hopeful in life? _I was his friend before you were._ So you can go around in your little bubble of oblivion all you want. But you have no right to accuse me of being uncaring of Evan Hansen’s well-being, because you _don’t know what you’re talking about_.”

Connor takes a step back without realizing his own action. It comes as a shock. The laid-back, dispassionate Jared Kleinman yelling at him.

Then the weight of his words start settling in. Connor physically feels the blood drain out of his face.

Kleinman leaves without another word, throwing a distasteful jeer at Connor.

Connor sprints out the doors.

* * *

 

“Don’t you think that was a bit… extra?”

“Being extra is my specialty.” Jared says, finally feeling himself cool down a little.

He’ll admit that he went a little overboard. Jared simply got caught up with himself for a second. It’s good though, a lie mixed with fractions of truth is the best type of lie. “Can you believe that the rumor has officially grown up to that Evan’s on his last breath?”

“I didn’t mean for that.” Alana looks a little queasy. “That’s a horrible rumor to be spreading around.”

“It’s okay.” Zoe tells her. “Everyone knows that rumors are greatly exaggerated. That, my friend, is the work of the public.”

“Is Evan really okay though?”

“I’m dropping by later, wanna come with?” he offers.

The girls exchange looks. Zoe shrugs. “If we’re not intruding.”

Jared snorts. “Please, what could you possibly be intruding on? The boy is stuck at home with a bulky cast. I betcha whatever he’s doing, it doesn’t matter if he got a few people over.”

“Can you give me a ride, though, just in case?” Zoe asks. “I have a very very strong feeling that I might not be able to ride in my own car today.”

* * *

 

_It’s mostly up to C now._

_Now if he fucks it up… then there’s honestly nothing I can do to help him anymore._

* * *

 

Connor’s memory is a fickle thing. Sometimes he remembers a very specific thing he did when he was in elementary school (earning a golden star for having the best organized desk), but other times he doesn’t have a clue what time his homework is due.

Evan’s address falls into the category of the latter, much to his annoyance, and he’d think that something as important as that, he’d make more of an effort to put it to mind. He _did_ make an effort, actually. But Connor is very very bad with directions and never go anywhere without Google Maps.

_Google Maps._

There’s a history record. He _knows_ that Evan’s put his address in at least once. That one time when he went over to Evan’s for dinner.

He fished it up and despite promising Zoe that he would drive her home, he slammed his foot on the accelerator without hesitation. He’d apologize to her later. She can’t be _too_ mad at him for checking up on Evan, can she?

He shoots her a quick text to make it safe.

Then he shoots Evan a text as well.

-hey

-i know i haven’t been around much and i’m sorry but can you please talk to me

-anything at all

-gdi hansen

Connor isn’t known to be impolite, but drastic times call for drastic measures, and frankly he can’t care less if his rapid knocking on Evan’s door is a little too impatient, too rapid and urgent than normal standards.

No one answers.

He knocks some more, little stabs of pain shooting up his knuckles.

He calls out, frustrated, but keeps his voice level. “Evan will you _please_ open the fucking-”

The door swings open, revealing Evan Hansen in all his pale-faced, wide-eyed shock. “Connor? What are you doing here?”

He gives him a quick once-over, and finally lets out the breath he’s been holding. Evan looks… mostly alright, apart from the white, bold, cast forcibly taking up his entire left forearm. _Evan’s fine. Evan’s alright. Evan’s not dying._

“Well?” Evan asks again.

And it’s like some fog finally dissipates from its empire over Connor’s rational mind. “You’re good. You’re alive.” he slumps on his back to catch his breath.

“Why wouldn’t I be?” Evan screws his eyebrows together in concern.

“People are saying you’re dying-” he explains frantically. “Kleinman himself-” he narrows his eyes, trailing off, suddenly understanding Kleinman’s whole vague, indefinite beating about the bush. “Fucking Kleinman.” he curses.

“Jared? What did Jared- did Jared do something?” Evan winces, then suddenly throws open the door. “Sorry, that was- I was being rude. Would you like to maybe come in?”

Connor feels his eyes widen. He really hadn’t planned this far ahead. Come to think of it, there was never a plan to begin with. He had only the vague direction of coming over to Evan’s. Now that he sees that Evan is okay, well, that’s all he wanted to know. But he supposes, he thinks he should try to clear things up with Evan. Probably.

“If you’ll have me?” he says it like a question, not wanting to pressure Evan into doing anything.

Anyone else in his position should be down on their knees groveling and begging for forgiveness, but he is Connor Murphy. And Connor Murphy is a thick-headed idiot. So he does none for that. He only hovers awkwardly behind Evan as he lets himself be led to what he remembers is the boy’s bedroom.

“I mean-” Evan’s voice is tight as he pushes the bedroom door open. “I don’t want to assume anything, but you’re here- apparently it’s because of Jared,” he doesn’t allow Connor to cut in a protest, “and that’s fine. Really. It means you want to talk to me- I think?” he turns and looks at Connor, gaze piercing and demanding. It’s an unusual expression on Evan Hansen.

“Yeah.” It’s all Connor can manage getting out. He really shouldn’t be feeling like this- like he’s flying and at the same time sinking and drowning to his death. While his heart thumps lighter at the sight of Evan, the vivid images of that night still replays again and again in his mind, haunting his restless nights and stirring days.

Evan’s room is as it always has been, from his previous visits. Slightly unkempt, but orderly in its own sense. The only distinct difference is the fluffy, plump plushie sitting on the bed.

“Is that a tree?” Connor asks, pointing to the plushie.

“Ah.” Evan flushes red, hastily picking it off the bed, switching around how he holds it like he’s not sure what he’s doing with one handicapped limb. “It’s- this is from Jared, actually. A stress-relief toy or something.” he mumbles that last part.

“It’s…” Connor thinks about it. “Cute.” he decides. _Like you_. He adds greedily in the back of his mind, because he has no right to be saying that, or even thinking that, with the terms they are currently in.

Evan pats the covers a bit before sitting down, and motioning Connor to do the same. Connor takes a seat on the floor instead. Cold.

Evan speaks before Connor conjures up his thoughts. “What did Jared tell you to get you to come here?”

He inhales deeply. “You sure you want to know?”

“If it weren’t for that, I doubt I’d see your face ever again.” There is something bitter in his tone, nasty and harsh. “So, yeah. I kind of want to know.”

“That’s not true. I’d come.” _Eventually_.

“Would you?” Evan asks back.

_No_.

Connor decides to try a different approach. “You opened the door for me instead of slamming it close in my face.” he points out. “Why?”

“I don’t know.” Evan confesses, looking away. He squeezes his plushie distractedly. “I thought I didn’t want to talk to you anymore.”

That hurts. Even though Connor brought it onto himself, it still hurts.

He is not finished, however. “I told myself that I would be fine. What’s a broken arm gonna damage severely? It’ll heal. And besides, I was the one who fell like an idiot. You didn’t push me off or anything.” his grasp on the plushie tightens, judging from the way the wrinkles are deeper now. “But I couldn’t even properly shut you out.” he murmurs dejectedly. “You’re here and I wanted to hide. I wanted to- to pretend I wasn’t home, you know? And I couldn’t even do that because I still kind of really really like you and want to talk to you. How dumb is that?” he shakes his head. “So I’m a little drowsy from the painkillers I took earlier. Let’s just blame the little speech on that.”

How do you respond to something like that? Connor has no idea. The giddy flurries of butterflies in his stomach seems to argue otherwise but what do they know?

He thinks he should start it slow. “Do you know why I’m here?” he asks nervously.

Evan rubs his forehead tiredly. “Right. You still haven’t told me whatever Jared said to you. Did he threaten you into it? I’m sorry about him.”

“So I’m here because there was this rumor going around school? That you- uh- that you are… more injured than you actually are.”

“A _rumor_?”

“Yeah. It sounded really bad. They made it seem like you’re, I don’t know, like you’re on your last breath or something.” It isn’t until he voices it out loud that he realizes how dumb the whole situation sounded like.

“You raced all the way to my house because you thought I was dying?” Evan snorts, barely audible. “Why would I be home if I were on my last breath, Connor?” he looks amused, thank the stars. “Shouldn’t I be in the hospital instead?”

“I don’t know. I wasn’t thinking, okay?” Connor grumbles, feeling himself go red from embarrassment, suddenly wishing that the ground can take mercy on him and open up a sinkhole to swallow him whole into a bottomless pit. “You _did_ fall off a tree though? That’s why you’re in a cast?”

“I did fall off a tree. The branch… gave way, I believe.” Evan tells him. “Just a cast on my arm and somehow it grew into a rumor that I’m dying? If I were to die from falling off a tree, I think it would’ve been too late by this time, Connor.”

“Quit poking fun.” he complains half-mindedly. “And it’s quite a gesture, isn’t it? Can we just focus on the part that I’m here because I’m worried about you?”

“Like a real gentleman.” Evan agrees, tone tinted with mirth.

The air lifts just a bit. But it’s enough for now.

* * *

 

After they got that part over with, they settle for a comfortable quietness.

“Sorry for being stupid and then yelling at you.” Connor says to him suddenly. “I was taking out my anger and frustration on you. And that was unfair.”

“It was.” Evan nods, “Sorry for acting like I know better than you. I thought I was helping. It was pretty counterproductive, huh?”

“You were trying to help.”

“Not very well.” Evan insists.

Connor shrugs. “The intention is good. I’m just paranoid and untrusting. And there might’ve had a better way of dealing with the matter.” he admits. “Not your fault though.”

Evan pokes and pinches at his plushie restlessly, twisting and pulling carelessly.

“Does that really help with stress-relieving?” Connor asks him.

“Well…” Evan stops with his hand motions for a while. “It helps with me, I think. Gives my hands something to do. Plus, she’s really squishy.” he passes it over to Connor, who gives it a cautious squeeze before widening his eyes and holding it in a more proper grip. Evan feels a small smile make way up to his lips as he watches Connor’s comical expression of surprise. “Yeah. The texture really is incredible.”

“How did they even _make_ these things?” Connor’s voice is overflowing with marvel as he keeps his eyes glued on the plushie. “Damn. Kleinman understands humanity well.”

“One of his many talents, yeah.” Evan confirms.

He watches Connor play with the stuffed tree thoughtlessly. “Do you think- I’m not good with words.” Connor says sheepishly, rubbing his neck awkwardly. “Do you think we still have a chance?”

A chance for what? Friendship? Romance?

There is a lot of weight behind that question. If he liked, he could play it off. He could act dumb and oblivious and they don’t need to discuss that aspect of the situation yet. But Evan still owes Connor a form of an answer.

He turns to face Connor.

His face is so hopeful, and yet there’s a terrible dread shrouding over his brows, and Evan’s heart clenches, catching in his throat. The voice those eyes convey is worth more than any grand speech he could offer. He recognizes the silent, low-key yearning, one that stares back at him in the mirrors in his lonely mornings by himself. And it’s sort of funny, because despite that thing about how _they will never know what you’re thinking unless you say it out loud_ , Evan is pretty sure that’s what’s happening between him and Connor right now. He looks at Connor, and he sees hesitance, but determination too, and he sees that Connor is navigating through Evan’s own soundless thoughts with perfect ease.

Evan thinks that they will always remain friends, no matter what. Because he cares too much for Connor and Connor for him in return. And even though it might take them some time, they will find their way back to their simple, friendly interactions. As for a step above that- Evan isn’t sure what he feels yet. Connor made his affections clear on the night of Evan’s fall, but Evan doesn’t know if it’s shifted the short period of time from then to now. If it has- or even if it hasn’t, it doesn’t feel like the proper setting. He put himself out in the open already, with that earlier confession. He means it, but he’s also unsure of himself. Evan knows that there’s nothing stupid about wanting to protect himself from getting hurt again, but he also knows that if he doesn’t want to get hurt, then he’s never going to be able to take another step. He still likes Connor. He still _trusts_ Connor. So he comes up with a speculation. It might be a bit too soon for both of them. They’ve come a long way from where they started, but they also have a long way waiting for them in the future. And if they aren’t good for each other just yet, well, they have time. In time, perhaps.

It’s what Connor’s asking, right? Connor’s asking if _in time_ , they might repair the crack in their relationship and move on further. It might just be Evan’s own wishful thinking, in the end, but he prays that it’s not. It can’t be, when everything is so raw and so real.

He can barely manage to keep his own voice level.

“I think-” his voice cracks, and he coughs to cover his embarrassment, though he doubts Connor is paying any mind to that. He tries again. “Yeah.” his face is flaming, he knows it is, under Connor’s earnest gaze and the lazy sun peeking through his half-lidded curtains. “I think we deserve another chance.” Evan thinks he sounds quiet. A little too quiet. But he thinks that Connor hears him, because his lips part into a relieved smile, timid and barely visible, but there all the same.

“That’s.. good to hear.” Connor concludes. “Because I still kind of really really like you too.”

Evan nods in agreement, heart inflating so large he thinks it could burst. “Good to hear.” he echoes, uttering under his breath.

“So can I choose to _not_ blame your little speech on your painkillers?”

“Sure.” he isn’t sure if Connor can hear him with his voice being so small he can barely hear it himself, but the tease of a smile lighting up Connor’s features makes Evan think maybe it doesn’t matter, as long as Connor’s smiling like that.

* * *

 

"So you dumbasses talked it out yet? I brought food!"

* * *

 

Connor finds Jared again, obviously reluctant, if the sour look on his face is any clue to go by.

Jared guesses it’s safe to think that the boys got it sorted out already, seeing as Connor is relatively more emotionally stable and no longer looks like he’s planning on kicking Jared’s head off his shoulders.

That’s nice. Jared is quite fond of his head, and he would be sad to see it leave the rest of his body.

But if they have everything sorted out, that also means that Connor probably has some words he’d like to have with Jared. Jared braces himself, but of all the things Connor could choose to say, he says, “That part about how you wished you could tell me that Evan is-”

“That was true.” Jared cuts him off swiftly. “I make up a lot of shit to steer things towards my way, but that isn’t one of them. And I don’t think I have to tell you about this, but Evan is the single nicest, least-judging person I’ve ever known. If you ask him about it he’d just say it’s because of his anxiety. What I’m saying he’s a really decent guy, but he has a lot of self-doubt. It’s not really healthy for him, but it’s part of who he is. He’s not in the greatest place. If you’re in it for the long-haul, you should know this.”

Because it _was_ true. Evan was hurting. He may be still hurting. Jared isn’t going to force him to talk about something he’s clearly troubled about. He trusts Evan enough to share when he deemed appropriate. Yet he worries, because he can’t help with worrying. And he’s fine if Evan doesn’t tell him everything going on in his life and his head, but he hopes that there’s at least someone, or something that Evan feels comfortable to unleash his troubled emotions to. Connor, maybe. Or that plushie. It’s one of the reasons he got it in the first place.

Connor looks a bit rattled by that. It’s going to be keeping him on his toes. Good.

Jared thinks he should cut the guy some slack, so he lets loose a sigh and claps Connor on the back. “Lighten up. There’s still hope for you boys. If it makes you feel better, me and all my followers are still rooting for you.”

“Thanks?”

“Don’t sweat it.” he offers with a trademark cocky smirk.

Conflicts settled, drama dying down, what a perfect time to start blogging again. Someone’s gotta feed the people what they want.

* * *

 

“Oh, right. Better warn Evan about the little rumors flying around.”

“You really have the worst ideas, Kleinman.”

“Hey, this one is pretty genius if I do say so myself.” Jared wrinkles his nose. “No harm done. Plus, rumors die down quickly. Soon enough they’d have some other juicy gossip to pass around.”

“That’s true, at least.”

“People’s attention are short-spanned.” Jared shrugs. “Sometimes it’s awful, but sometimes can be good.”

* * *

 

They go see the tree. Evan gets surprised when he finally remembers everything. He gets surprised by how much he hated himself. He gets surprised at how that same hatred burning inside him no longer grills his organs.

It’s a good thing, isn’t it? It means Evan can get better. He hopes that one day he can get rid of the low bitterness gnawing lightly at the pits of his stomach. That would be a nice thing to look forward to.

* * *

 

They look up at the tree together. There is no sign of any broken branch, which is strange, because Evan said that he fell from a cracked branch.

Connor frowns at Evan, a question already forming on the tip of his tongue when Evan beats him to it.

“I didn’t fall, I think.”

“What?”

Evan turns to look at him, and he looks calm and collected, he looks sure about what he’s saying, a rare occurrence for him. “I don’t think I really ‘fell’. I think I let go on purpose.”

“ _What_?”

Evan doesn’t seem to be very comfortable with the attention. “I told you I don’t exactly remember everything about my accident.”

“I thought that meant that you didn’t want to talk about it.”

Evan gives him a glance. And Connor flinches, knowing that Evan’s glare is directed at Connor’s own idiotic choices, feigning memory loss to avoid a discussion around a certain topic.

“I really really didn’t remember.” Evan says flatly. Connor can’t help but breath out in relief that Evan’s not holding Connor’s past actions against him. “I think I was lying to myself too. I just never bothered checking if I was telling the truth, because I didn’t think I had to.”

“We usually don’t pick up on lying to ourselves.” Connor agrees. He lies to himself often enough. He’s sure no one is completely immune to their own lies. People tend to believe what they _want to believe_ more easily, after all. “But how can you be so… unfazed about it?” his tone starts to rise again, as the meaning of Evan’s words finally sink in. “ How bad had it been? What if you feel like that again-?” _Kleinman could tell, somehow. Kleinman knew something was off with Evan’s story. That’s why Kleinman had been worried. That’s why Kleinman got to Connor. That’s what Kleinman meant when he told Connor that he wished he could say Evan was fine._

Finally putting together the last piece of the puzzle, Connor feels his blood run cold. To think that he’d been so painfully close to a future without Evan Hansen’s existence, it’s devastating.

Evan doesn’t seem to notice Connor’s inner turmoil, going on. “It’s kind of like watching a movie of myself, to be honest.” Evan confesses. “ _He_ let go. I didn’t. I don’t know. It’s sort of confusing to me. But I think that had been another Evan, if that makes sense.”

Connor thinks about the Connor who convinced himself to fake amnesia. He thinks about the Connor who yelled at Kleinman, yelled at Beck to drive them away. He thinks about the Connor who said out loud, “I have _nothing to do with it._ I _want nothing to do with it_.” about Evan Hansen. And he thinks he understands.

He nods. “I guess.” his voice is a little hoarse, still wary. “But that other Evan-”

Evan looks at him funny. “I don’t think I feel it anymore. That Evan on top of a thirty-foot-tall tree? I think he scrammed the second I hit the ground. And just to be safe he locked my memory to erase his tracks. I don’t feel- I don’t think I have to deal with him again. I don’t _want_ to deal with him. I’m okay now. I’m not on top of a thirty-foot-tall tree.” he rambles on, without actually taking note of his own words.

“Evan?” Connor says quietly, catching his attention.

“Yeah?”

“You’re crying.” he reminds him.

“Oh.” Evan reaches up and feels his face. Sure enough, matching streaks of salty liquid roll down his cheeks. “I am.”

“Are you okay?”

Connor looks at Evan, at his tear-stained face and his big, confused eyes, and he thinks that he wants nothing more than he wants to cradle the boy in his arms and press the belief that _he’s going to be safe, he’s going to be happy_ deep until it’s ingrained in his mind. Until it becomes a fact, no longer an empty promise that holds no true value then a couple of syllables slotting together in a vacant shell.

“Yeah.” his voice is firm, sounding quite like he can finally take his own words again, like it’s a relief, a huge boulder off his chest. “I have Jared. I have Zoe. I have Alana- I think. And I have you.”

The last one is stated with a trace of uncertainty hanging on edge, as if Evan is giving him a choice- his own decision.

There’s never been a decision to make it the first place.

“You have me.” he confirms, and takes in the way Evan’s face lights up in surprise and happiness.

And Connor thinks he can believe it this time.

* * *

 

_I’m happy to inform all of you that the whole mess is finally over._

_But darn it if they aren’t still the densest idiots on the planet._

_Well the story’s not done anyway. After all, can a story truly be finished?_

_I probably owe you all for a proper explanation of all that’s happened the past span of months- and a full story I mean._

_Well, parts of the full story, the important parts, at least._

_So here it is- the heart wrenching and frustrating slow burn drama- skillfully titled by the insanely cool jk-_

_Help These Painfully Oblivious Souls_

_(Because God knows that they need it more than anyone else.)_

**Author's Note:**

> kudos and comments are greatly appreciated!!  
> Again, thank you all for reading!!! I've never written such a big story, both structure-wise and word count.  
> Extra big thanks to shia99 who encouraged me to write a sequel!! I'm not sure if you'll see this or not, but thank you so much! If it weren't for you I would never have tried to take on this humongous project on my own. Thank you for giving me the chance to push at my own limits.♡


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